This week I learned that my friend’s boss likes to get her attention by snapping his fingers in her face. How crazy is that? As she was telling her story, I tried to put myself in her shoes. I immediately flew into a flight of whimsy that involved a fist and someone picking his teeth out of a bed-pan.
I wouldn’t really do that. Mostly because I know that I’d break my hand with the force required to loosen some teeth. I wouldn’t need to because these types of things don’t really happen to me. Since hearing my friend’s story I’ve been evaluating why not. Sure – there was that miscreant I wrote about a few posts back that tried to work his severely gimpy mojo on me – but that happened for two reasons. First of all he was exceptionally obtuse and myopic.
Really – Choose your opponent wisely and observe them. Don’t pick ME you silly man. I will have nothing of it.
Second of all, there was a parade of women before me that tolerated his stupid bullshit and set up a culture of acceptance of said bullshit. Thanks ladies.
That said, what kind of advice would I give a friend suffering this kind of treatment? AND HOW can you avoid said treatment? I have compiled my thoughts on the matter – they are as such.
First and foremost, if this ever happens to you DO NOT tolerate it – not even once. Before reacting, you should take a moment and find your Zen spot as your response is best delivered stripped of emotion. Although you may want to say “Look – you orange bastard … I’m not a fucking dog”, the first response should always be a cool and calculated assertion. ”That is incredibly rude and unprofessional. Don’t ever do that to me again”. Another friend actually responded just like this. He tried to laugh it off – but I guarantee it was all bravado. He didn’t know where to put his face or how to react to someone calling him on his shit.
If the direct approach doesn’t work, keep your cool. Take the concern to HR or his supervisor armed with your handbook and resolve. What ever you do don’t get all weepy and DO NOT get baited into reacting emotionally.
Far too often I hear of women caving to the need to be “NICE” or “LIKED”. I wish someone would have pulled me aside as a young girl and told me what I’m about to tell you. Bullies prey on this and count on your need for affirmation to intimidate you. Ladies, pigs like this are not worthy of your affirmation and you shouldn’t seek theirs. If you’re worried what other people think, it’s probably no secret that this person doesn’t know how to address people with respect and is already wearing the “office-douche” crown whilst playing out his pathetic lack-of-confidence-parading-as-confidence routine.
The key here is ITS AN ACT. Don’t fall for it. He does this because he is a cowardly reprobate looking for someone he perceives as meek and weak to take advantage of and push around. Grab some back bone and speak up for yourself. Nobody is going to do it for you.
That’s what I advise.
How do you avoid this kind of treatment in the first place? Not to toot my own horn – but I am well-spoken and assertive. People with those traits seldom have the label of “victim” affixed to their foreheads when being sized up by a bully. The most direct path to being victimized is playing the role of the victim. It’s as simple as that.
I’m not blaming my friend for what happened to her. She has a reasonable expectation to go to work, do her job, and be treated with dignity and respect. Sometimes it doesn’t happen. When it doesn’t, don’t be afraid to bare your teeth.
End Rant,
J
